Something something

I've had a fairly rough time trying to keep up with the blog since I refreshed it this year.  I used to manage to post some sort of update every couple of days.  I've been wanting to write more significant posts, but it just escapes me. I have to accept what this really is, a public diary. I have always preached the virtues of writing constantly to sharpen my writing skills. I haven't done enough of it this year. All I do is prep.  I honestly don't have a good excuse not to write. Just accept this as what it is.

Christmas

I've been feeling exceptionally detached lately. Buried myself with work and not really think of any of my own aspirations and goals. The last few nights I have escaped to books. Reading until dawn. I'm slipping back into that uncaring. I feel like I can't be trusted to be by myself. I would think of something stupid. If I don't think about myself.

I have Underworld on full blast in my room. I can't do that at my regular dwelling. I usually indulge myself this way driving exceptionally fast late at night. I haven't had the chance nor the excuse to do so in a very long time. I love driving at night, music blaring, just have the music wash over me. I feel dangerous then. Like I've unleashed myself. The cold night air running through my unkempt hair. I had felt driven then. I had goals and aspirations. I don't feel it now. Maybe I have become bored with myself.

I need goals again. I need to put myself in the position to feel accomplished again. New year resolutions? No not really. Just things I need to get done.

That guy at the freeway exit

I always feel bad and look away when there is somebody standing there with a cardboard sign at the freeway exit. On an intellectual level I just don't get it. How is it possible that someone can be reduced to standing there at the corner waiting for a handout? I feel like helping but I know it will only be enabling.  So I look away, straight ahead to the turn light.

I'm about to go shopping. Does it make me a bad person to spend more money on stuff I don't need on myself rather then giving it to the have-not? It's hard for me to reconcile. Most of the time is out of sight, out of mind. Keep looking at the turn light and hope it turns green soon.

Trying something new

The whole idea of getting a 'rather' smart phone almost two years ago was to be able to blog out of it.  Things didn't work out quite as well as I imagined. My ideas were a little further ahead then the technology allowed. 

I picked up a moto droid a couple of days ago and I'm still trying to get used to it. But it is leaps and bounds ahead of my previous experience. I'm gradually starting to customize my experience. We shall see how it goes.

Long December

I'm sure I used that title before. December makes me want to listen to Counting Crows.

I got a pair of Sharks tickets for Thursday. That will be my first game this season, imagine that. I've been so busy I barely have time to watch it on TV.

I don't think I'm being overworked, but I'm starting to not sleep well. I'm starting to let things go by the wayside. I feel like I'm slipping into "give-up" mode again. Maybe it's the weather.

Can I just go into hibernation now?