some assembly required

I feel like such a fraud. I have so many different pieces in place and all I need is the glue to hold it together. I'm low on motivation, and that happens to be the thing that holds it well. I've been letting things go and I really need to take control back. I need short term goals.

I don't hate my job, but I would not mind doing something entirely different. I have not found my calling yet it seems. Shuffling paper is not what I live for. I ended up tossing about 1100 documents today. That's about 1500 pages I went through. I listened to the radio and plowed through it. Amazingly I still have another box to go.

I understands that office jobs pays the bills that will come inevitably. I just don't feel like I'm in the right office. I don't hate my job at all, but the down time recently has been killing me. The whole idea of having to find something to do. I feel so wasteful.

I did not lose any weight compared to last week. But considering I gain back a bit last week, I am stepping into the wrong direction. I can do it. I just don't feel like it. Once again I feel like I'm doing this for other people and it does not sit well with me.

I'm sick of doing things to please other people. That being people around me. I just feel like I'm holding back myself because I need to please other people. Meanwhile I can not figure out what makes me happy. I just feel like I'm back to pieces, like I was before.

first day of spring

There is something funny about having a fresh start. You become bold and wanting to steer yourself into a different direction. I am running again. It feels good. I've been running 4 miles every few days. My goal is to run 5 miles four to five times per week and be able to run at least one half-marathon length every weekend. It will take some practice.

About being bold, I'm somewhat butting heads with people at work. Politely of course. If you want me to take something off your hands, I need to know what you want me to do is all. I don't do vague. There needs to be consistency. I wrote a couple of epic emails to half the department to get some clarity. I am good at being diplomatic and analytical when I give background to my questions. I think it shows I can be a good manager. It's not that I hate my job. There is no room to grow. I hope I get that other job.

It might rain tomorrow. I want to get some good pictures of fresh leaves. My photo blog is coming along quite well. It requires little maintenance. I just need to queue up another batch of photos this weekend and I'll be set for the next few months. I just need to take more photos in the time being.

We drove up to Communications Hill last night. He lived up there for a few months. It's breathtaking. I did not know there was such a place close by. Granted the town homes are cramped, but the view sure is nice. Something to consider for the future.

The weekend could not come sooner.

I need a sign

I've been looking for a new job within the company while I still have the chance. I feel so very uninspired by the lack of prospect of the position I am in. I have an interview sometime this week for a filler position in the next department over. It will be a good change if I can get it. If not, I'm looking at the prospect of going back to school if I really can't find anything else. I got lucky on my only job interview right out of school. I don't want to be over confident with my next job.

I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. All I know is it's not this.

nest

It happens every spring. A pile of twigs on my stairs. Some confused dove spends an entire day arranging twigs precariously on my porch light for a nest; only to be startled by the opening of my door and dash off, scattering the twigs on my steps. A false start.

It's been unreasonably cold the past few days. This is what I call half-ass weather. If it's this cold, it might as well be snowing. A few weeks back it was, don't bother me with this drizzle, might as well be pouring. I like my weather conditions to be full on. I know I'm pretty well insulated, but I still don't like this cold.

I've been thinking about my options lately. It doesn't look like I have too much longer on this job. I might be out of it as soon as May. I can look for another job or I can go back to school. I went to Borders for a bit last night to look for study materials. the GMAT doesn't look too hard. I can handle that with a bit of a brush up. Interestingly enough the LSAT caught my eyes. I know I want to get some graduate studies under my belt, but law? Maybe. I did enjoy the legal issues classes most when I was studying HR. I can probably do it, but I just don't think I want it bad enough.

peach cobbler

I woke up at 4:30 this morning, wide awake. I put my head down because it was much too early, and I had another weird dream. This one is recurring from a few nights ago. I was at a home show where kitchenware was the dominate item. There were demonstration tables where people can go up and test out the wares themselves. I ended up once again at this booth where dessert was being served. The lady said it was a new form of peach cobbler. It was a chunk of jello with a slice of peach and a slice of lime in it. Then my manager showed up and to try a few items. That reminded me I should get up and go to work. And so I did.

I'm developing an overactive imagination all of a sudden, and I don't know why.

I heard on the radio on my way home last night and also read online this morning about a new study. It shows that none of the fad diets actually work, and the only proven way to lose weight is to burn more then what you eat. Well duh. Friend of mine went WTF and commented on how people don't think with common sense and such. My question was, how did these "researchers" get the funding to conduct such a study at the first place? That's a big waste of money, just like the fad diets.

keep walking

I had a Harold and Kumar moment this morning. I was almost at the bottom at the stair. It was too far to go back. I don't know if that's because I'm lazy or I'm resourceful enough to make due with what I can get my hands on.

I ended up watching No Reservations for about 4 hours last night. I probably could have done some more writing and planning on the side, but I didn't. It is the one show I can watch over and over again. I installed an application on facebook of a restaurant review contest for the show. It's a good idea, but I don't think I will participate. The first few ones I have read are quite disappointing. Most of them reads like a book report. Where is the inspiration? I find it sad that is how most people write nowadays. I blame it on the mindless blogging culture.