O Canada!

I was at dinner last night with company and they asked what we will be doing today.  Hockey of course, I replied.  Who will be playing?  US versus Canada, I said matter of factly.  I have long shed the indignate tone because I finally understood that not many people I know are as passionate about hockey as I am.  I hope we win, he then said.  I just offered an understanding smile. 

A few days ago my senior VP asked if I was Canadian.  What does that really mean? I wondered. 

I find all of this funny.  While watching the Olympics the last couple weeks.  The games are suppose to bring people as one and compete best against the best.  It somehow brings a bout of extreme nationalism.  I just don't feel like people get the point. 

Resonance

Maybe I've been watching too much TV and my brain is fried.  My personal theory about what attracts me to certain programming is that there is something about the show that resonate with my life.  What does that say about me when my favorites in the past and present are of lonely anti-heros. 

Last couple of days I feel like I want to come to my own.  I feel like I've been living my life trying to please other people.  Sometimes I just feel alone.  I want a true companion.  Somebody I can talk to and share adventures with.  I also feel my life to be ordinary.  I want to feel like a badass.  I want to feel special.  My own brand of special.  I know I am capable of it. I'm rambling again.  I'm tired of doing things just for the benefits of others.  When am I going to start doing things just for me?

Rings

I am never the first one to trifle over my jewery.  Never the less I felt like I made some life decisions by changing my rings. 

For a fews years now I have worn a spinner ring with faux celtic knots on my left ring finger.  I  don't believe in leaving it empty until somebody puts a ring on it.  When I first got this ring it was where it looked good and where it fits.  I got it at the jewelry stall that is open once in a while on school campus.  When I saw it I fell in love with it and that is it.  It was at a point in my life when I finally started to feel like I'm my own person.  I don't even remember how much I paid for it.  It didn't matter.  It was worth it because I chose it and it fits me perfectly.  It is quirky and always changing.

A few months ago I went shopping at Marc Jacobs for my cousin and picked up a couple of rings with latin inscribed on it.  I don't remember what they said exactly but I avoided the ones that spoke of love and promises.  So there it was, for month I wore those two rings with words I did not understand like fractured tablets guiding me to nowherew fast. 

Last week I was looking for an old chain to wear a new pandent and stumbled upon an old favorite. A left-handed ring I bought a decade ago that used to fit like a glove.  It was at least a size and a half too big.  What it was, what I was didn't fit me anymore.  How far I have come in the last decade.

Before I left home tonight I put my spinner back on.  Comfortable in my own skin.  One I have chosen for myself.

Dusk or Dawn

The weather this weekend was unbelievably beautiful. It felt like spring.

I stepped out of work on Monday evening and was hit with a familiar feeling. The sky was in a hue of turquoise blue, birds where chirping. The heat of the afternoon was dissipating. The air was crisp but not cold. It was strangely familiar, but it was a feeling from a long time ago.

I took another deep breath while walking to my car and it hit me. It felt like stepping out of my apartment, walking towards class after a sleepless night working on a project. 6 am on a late spring morning. The combination of exhaustion and the feeling of accomplishment. That was what I felt then.

one leaf

I came across a tumblr call write one leaf a few weeks back. I love the concept. A small writing prompt without any restrictions or expectations. I've been thinking about using the prompts. I started thinking about in what platform I should write it in. Maybe I should start a new tumblr for it, or maybe I can add it to my existing tumblr. I can't work it out. When I put it that way, there are so many different factors to consider. Why not just write.

The Meaning

Never ceases to amaze me how some people can get so far in life and can't write for the life of them. I honestly don't think I understood at least a quarter of the email I just received. I shouldn't have to read it out loud to catch the intent. The conversational tone should not be a dominant feature when communicating an idea. No you don't sound cool. You sound more like a babbling idiot. I would rather you leave me alone, thank you very much.

Something Profound

I was thinking this morning while I was reading some posts on tumblr, I want to be somebody who writes something profound. I stopped writing for a while. I didn't think I had much to write about. All I was able to put down were boring everyday rants. It occurred to me this morning that I never write about the little things. I'm able to grasp that concept photographically and not literally.

My favorite of the photographs I have taken over the past few years are often highlights of nature. Close up of plants and animals. It messes with your sense of scale and makes you appreciate the small things. The most boring shots are of big sweeping landscape that doesn't have a central focus. And yet that is how I write. I try to capture everything in my writing. It becomes unfocused and boring. All of it looks the same and tends to blend in together. Perhaps I should start with small pieces just focusing on one or two subject matter.