the light is on...

The past month has been an extended out of body experience. I just don't feel like I've been here at all. So many things happening around me and I don't think I have had the time to truly react to it. I have a lot of decisions to make. Not life altering decisions, but perhaps somewhat significant. There's so much running through my mind at any given point I'm often lost. Not that I'm thinking deeply into a single matter, but desperately searching for the lost thought I had a second ago. As if I'm not here at all.

There is something about everyday life that scares me a bit. What if all of a sudden I have to take care of myself. I have been dependent all my life in one form or another. I think some of it was conditioned. I think I would do fine, but I never really had to do it at any point. I'm a spoiled brat.

The only lucid moment I had today was when I emailed with the recruiter. I went to touch base with her and I ended up with an interview on Wednesday. I don't even know if it's an interview or a meet and greet. The hiring manager and her manager wants to talk to me. She did not say it was an interview. All I know was there were two applicants showing on the system and they took the posting down after they received my resume. I think that's a good sign. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The rest of the day was just... I really hope I get this job. Maybe I will get out of this job early and I won't have to look at that miserable bucket of stupid mistakes from the stores any more. I'm so tired of it.

Sometimes a job is not that bad until you still drilling down to it. It's not a horrible job at all if you look at it on face value. Sometimes when you get somebody who demands attention and others who micromanages in the wrong direction, you are in a world of pain.