Rings

I am never the first one to trifle over my jewery.  Never the less I felt like I made some life decisions by changing my rings. 

For a fews years now I have worn a spinner ring with faux celtic knots on my left ring finger.  I  don't believe in leaving it empty until somebody puts a ring on it.  When I first got this ring it was where it looked good and where it fits.  I got it at the jewelry stall that is open once in a while on school campus.  When I saw it I fell in love with it and that is it.  It was at a point in my life when I finally started to feel like I'm my own person.  I don't even remember how much I paid for it.  It didn't matter.  It was worth it because I chose it and it fits me perfectly.  It is quirky and always changing.

A few months ago I went shopping at Marc Jacobs for my cousin and picked up a couple of rings with latin inscribed on it.  I don't remember what they said exactly but I avoided the ones that spoke of love and promises.  So there it was, for month I wore those two rings with words I did not understand like fractured tablets guiding me to nowherew fast. 

Last week I was looking for an old chain to wear a new pandent and stumbled upon an old favorite. A left-handed ring I bought a decade ago that used to fit like a glove.  It was at least a size and a half too big.  What it was, what I was didn't fit me anymore.  How far I have come in the last decade.

Before I left home tonight I put my spinner back on.  Comfortable in my own skin.  One I have chosen for myself.

Dusk or Dawn

The weather this weekend was unbelievably beautiful. It felt like spring.

I stepped out of work on Monday evening and was hit with a familiar feeling. The sky was in a hue of turquoise blue, birds where chirping. The heat of the afternoon was dissipating. The air was crisp but not cold. It was strangely familiar, but it was a feeling from a long time ago.

I took another deep breath while walking to my car and it hit me. It felt like stepping out of my apartment, walking towards class after a sleepless night working on a project. 6 am on a late spring morning. The combination of exhaustion and the feeling of accomplishment. That was what I felt then.

one leaf

I came across a tumblr call write one leaf a few weeks back. I love the concept. A small writing prompt without any restrictions or expectations. I've been thinking about using the prompts. I started thinking about in what platform I should write it in. Maybe I should start a new tumblr for it, or maybe I can add it to my existing tumblr. I can't work it out. When I put it that way, there are so many different factors to consider. Why not just write.

The Meaning

Never ceases to amaze me how some people can get so far in life and can't write for the life of them. I honestly don't think I understood at least a quarter of the email I just received. I shouldn't have to read it out loud to catch the intent. The conversational tone should not be a dominant feature when communicating an idea. No you don't sound cool. You sound more like a babbling idiot. I would rather you leave me alone, thank you very much.

Something Profound

I was thinking this morning while I was reading some posts on tumblr, I want to be somebody who writes something profound. I stopped writing for a while. I didn't think I had much to write about. All I was able to put down were boring everyday rants. It occurred to me this morning that I never write about the little things. I'm able to grasp that concept photographically and not literally.

My favorite of the photographs I have taken over the past few years are often highlights of nature. Close up of plants and animals. It messes with your sense of scale and makes you appreciate the small things. The most boring shots are of big sweeping landscape that doesn't have a central focus. And yet that is how I write. I try to capture everything in my writing. It becomes unfocused and boring. All of it looks the same and tends to blend in together. Perhaps I should start with small pieces just focusing on one or two subject matter.

Something something

I've had a fairly rough time trying to keep up with the blog since I refreshed it this year.  I used to manage to post some sort of update every couple of days.  I've been wanting to write more significant posts, but it just escapes me. I have to accept what this really is, a public diary. I have always preached the virtues of writing constantly to sharpen my writing skills. I haven't done enough of it this year. All I do is prep.  I honestly don't have a good excuse not to write. Just accept this as what it is.

Christmas

I've been feeling exceptionally detached lately. Buried myself with work and not really think of any of my own aspirations and goals. The last few nights I have escaped to books. Reading until dawn. I'm slipping back into that uncaring. I feel like I can't be trusted to be by myself. I would think of something stupid. If I don't think about myself.

I have Underworld on full blast in my room. I can't do that at my regular dwelling. I usually indulge myself this way driving exceptionally fast late at night. I haven't had the chance nor the excuse to do so in a very long time. I love driving at night, music blaring, just have the music wash over me. I feel dangerous then. Like I've unleashed myself. The cold night air running through my unkempt hair. I had felt driven then. I had goals and aspirations. I don't feel it now. Maybe I have become bored with myself.

I need goals again. I need to put myself in the position to feel accomplished again. New year resolutions? No not really. Just things I need to get done.

That guy at the freeway exit

I always feel bad and look away when there is somebody standing there with a cardboard sign at the freeway exit. On an intellectual level I just don't get it. How is it possible that someone can be reduced to standing there at the corner waiting for a handout? I feel like helping but I know it will only be enabling.  So I look away, straight ahead to the turn light.

I'm about to go shopping. Does it make me a bad person to spend more money on stuff I don't need on myself rather then giving it to the have-not? It's hard for me to reconcile. Most of the time is out of sight, out of mind. Keep looking at the turn light and hope it turns green soon.

Trying something new

The whole idea of getting a 'rather' smart phone almost two years ago was to be able to blog out of it.  Things didn't work out quite as well as I imagined. My ideas were a little further ahead then the technology allowed. 

I picked up a moto droid a couple of days ago and I'm still trying to get used to it. But it is leaps and bounds ahead of my previous experience. I'm gradually starting to customize my experience. We shall see how it goes.

Long December

I'm sure I used that title before. December makes me want to listen to Counting Crows.

I got a pair of Sharks tickets for Thursday. That will be my first game this season, imagine that. I've been so busy I barely have time to watch it on TV.

I don't think I'm being overworked, but I'm starting to not sleep well. I'm starting to let things go by the wayside. I feel like I'm slipping into "give-up" mode again. Maybe it's the weather.

Can I just go into hibernation now?

thoughts on a Friday morning

As I look out the window, I can see the dark clouds moving across the sky. There is something ominous about it. How it spread darkness across the land. It's just the way it moves and how quickly it spreads. I don't like it one bit.

I couldn't find my mittens this morning, nor yesterday morning, nor the day before that. I have resolved to put things away at their logical places, where I will be looking for them. Instead of what I think would be convenient. Because I will never think of the convenient place when I look for it, only the logical place.

I am not happy with my hair at all right now. It just looks messy all the time, and not the nice kind of messy.

Man it's been a tough week. And I don't feel like getting into it.

WorldRider

I went to see Allan Karl of http://www.worldrider.com/ speak today at lunch. The lesson I took away was to not be afraid to step out of my comfort zone. It was a lot more inspiring then I thought it would have been. I'm glad I went.

a while

It doesn't just feels like forever, it has been a while since I posted. I tried the pen and paper approach for a while and even that has fallen by the wayside. I think as usual, I can't think of anything interesting to talk about at length. Even when I have an idea I wouldn't remember it long enough to sit down and write about it. I could, in theory, write it through my phone. Which was the intention of getting this phone at the first place, but it has been acting up lately. I have a tendency to abandon ideas quickly when my perceived needs outgrow the technology in my possession.

With that said. I'm looking to get a new phone next month. Something of a Christmas present for myself. It's not going to be what you think. I opt for freedom rather then loyalty. There are a few factors that is prohibiting/discouraging me to get what my friend dubbed the iTrend. It is inevitable that I shall move on from the current device that has served me well in the last year and a half. I'm just getting sick of having to reboot it every couple of hours in order to make a call.

This in turn made me think about my shopping habit. In regards to technology, I am not loyal to any brand. All I look to is the feature and the amount of control I possess to that particular piece of technology. I have a feeling that makes me a minority when it comes to people who likes to shop as much as I do. I don't always make the purchase, but when I do, I look for the best balance between price and features. I can be a bit of a nightmare to providers because I am so hard to please sometimes.

With the advance of technology I have become more mobile. I like to have services that allows me to update and be updated on information from the internet on demand. It has been about two months since I had time to just sit down and type out what I think. The use of mobile technology is important to me. I just may go insane without it. I'm still in the process of developing my own website. I saw a very good example of it yesterday. http://www.worldrider.com/blog/ He used technology on the go to update what was going on. I want to do that. Travel and photography, that is exactly what I was looking to do. I have a lot to aspire to.

Fridays in the office

I feel so brain dead. I haven't been working on a Friday for a month. All I can think of is how much I want to go to sleep and stuff. When I had the time off I didn't know what to do with myself. It's great.

calm before the (prolonged) storm

I saw a couple of really ghetto cars today. One of them is white and pink with chrome all over and the other is lime green with chrome spinners that's filled in with the same puke lime green. Ghettolicious.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time making a tomatillo salsa and eggplant dip. My legs hurt from standing. I haven't figured out if that was any more rewarding then napping the afternoon away. At least I have something to munch on for the next week that is relatively healthy.

I'm going to start working full time for the next six months starting Monday. It's going to be arduous but I am absolutely looking forward to it. It will be a good chance to show off what I can do to many people that will potentially help my career path. I think I'm getting a bit of a power trip from the huge amount of new responsibility. We will see how I fare.

Five day work weeks will also bring a more intense workout schedule. Last week I resolved to start running and I managed to jog three days in a row. I'm great at finding excuses to quit, but having three days on the books is not a bad thing. I felt like I had more energy for the rest of the week. I slept better and I felt a bit tighter. I need more patience with myself. I won't see any real results for a few weeks, and I need to keep working on it constantly. I need to really integrate it into my daily routine. Hopefully it will become second nature to me.

So much to look forward to.

make a run for it

Sometimes I just want to pick up my camera and go. I can take some pretty incredible pictures on the most mundane subjects. I have the eye for it when I have the mind for it. I haven't had the mind nor the time to do such a thing. That's what relationships does to you. You think of what the other person might want to do instead of what you want to do. Not that I have anything particular in mind, but I don't even focus on thinking about what I might want. It's not healthy.

I decided today was the day I start running again. Well more like hobble. The first 10 minutes was horrible. I was on the elliptical for several weeks and my legs have entirely forgotten what running was supposed to be like. It was like dragging two dead logs around. My thighs were sore and warm. I finally got some of my stride back but I felt so heavy. Sometimes I just want to go get lipo and have that be over with. But afterward it felt good. I haven't sweat like that with good honest hard work for a while.

now that's rain

I spoke too early. That was sprinkles yesterday. It's pouring outside. This weather makes me happy.

imagination

I finally figured out what is wrong with my blog. Took me long enough. I lack imagination. I was looking on facebook yesterday and one of my friends wrote a description for cigar smoke. I'm not going to repeat it here because it will ruin your own perspective of it. It's so good, and absolutely disgusting. Makes me not want to smoke ever again.

I'm better at relaying information. I'm terrible at making things up. Maybe that's why my writing can be so dry. There's so much information I want to relay, but I just want to make myself a nice little forum. It has to make sense where everything goes. I can't just have a blank slate to write things. I'm weird like that. I need to really work on that website.

first rain

I find when I have the most to talk about I often get stuck in a rut with my writing. The problem is simply I don't know where to start or how everything would relate. It's the worst kind of writer's block. I would wake up in the morning, be in the shower, driving, running, sitting on the can and come up with perfectly coherent paragraphs in the most inopportune time. By the time I get around to write it down the thought is long gone. I seem to write well when I am emotionally charge, e.g. pissed off. My life is good right now. I haven't been writing much. There is not much to rant on.

It has been a month since I started my new job. I'm picking up on it fairly quickly. It's a fun subject for me and I can really utilize my organizational skills. I need to get some projects listed or I will forget about them. I saw some super cheap binders today at Target and remembered I was suppose to make a handbook. There is so much to do. I have one more free Friday next week then I will be plunged into full time work for the next six months. People have been asking me if I started to freak out yet. In truth, I did not think too much of it until Thursday night. All of a sudden I have a huge amount of responsibility. My existance becomes somewhat important and all of my work becomes critical. I have not freaked out yet. A lot of it is my personality. I'm just calm. But I also think in this case I am confident I will do a good job. If my managers believe I can do it, I will prove how I can do it above and beyond. There is so much to organize and do. I need to make spreadsheet so that I can import it into a filemaker database as I find time to create one to play with. I need to train myself to drop it all when I walk out the door.

With the less amount of free time I suspect I will work even less on my website. It's shaping up in my head. There is so much content I want to create and so many features I want to implement. Flexibility will be key.

The best shopping I have done lately is at the Saturday morning farmers market in Stockton. The freshes produce and the best prices around. I have so many ideas when I see these things. I made (and just finished eating) tomatillo salsa last week. It's a learning experience. It was delicious, and I wish I had chronicle it in my yet to exist website.

nine nine oh nine

There is so much going on my head hurts.