directions

“What people are ashamed of usually makes a good story.”

—	F. Scott Fitzgerald

A book nerd I follow on tumblr posted the quote this morning. It's so true. The most compelling things I have read online are things people should be ashamed of. I have not been keeping up with most everything I should be doing lately, I'm ashamed to say. Are you compelled yet? I have been mindlessly wasting time away the last month or so. Maybe it started with a general sense of hopelessness, but it definitely turned into a habit.

The one thing I know for sure is I have an addictive personality. Once I get involve into something mindless and never ending, I tend to get addicted. It used to be MMORPGs such as World of Warcraft. I'm glad to say I have been WoW free for almost a year. It doesn't have to be involved, but it normally is something repetitive. Puzzle games are my bane. I have been playing one for a while now. Day and night. It's not healthy. I feel like my brain melted in the last few weeks. I think I've done my worst and have to go cold turkey on it.

I'm guessing it was a sudden burst of optimism that propels me to be more useful. My projects page have not changed in the last three months. There was, as I said before, a general sense of hopelessness and uncertainty for a time. My job was about to end and I didn't know what lies ahead. I now have a new job lined up at the beginning of the month and possibly more schooling. These are things to be excited about. I am no longer stuck in gear and will embark on a possible career path. I like the sound of that. However, I will remain unsettled until I get my bearings at this position. The new bosses (yes, I'm going from two to three) have already asked me to write about myself twice. I suppose it is something I need to get used to, but it's not a subject I have much practice writing about. It is hard to talk about why I am worthy of employment or to summarize myself in two to three sentences. I am so much more. I tried for years to not to be stereotypical. General descriptions does not usually suite me. At the same time I am hard to quantify. That is what people want, something measurable and comparable. It's hard to try to march to my own drumbeat and try to make it in the world.

I looked at some of my projects last week and narrowed down the general sections on my website. That's a good start. I firmly believe in the heart of every good website should be good content. Presentation is important too, but the content makes the site. This is also a reflection on myself. These are the things I am genuinely interested in. I already have a subset of content for every section I wrote down. All of these things are meant to be captured and shared. It will be like my personal autobiography.

Everything I have said is a load of fluff until I start working on it. I have so many things up in the air.