There is a certain amount of anxiety associated with not knowing. As much as I don't want to think about it, I am anxious. Every time my in box lights up I thought I would have a heart attack. You want people to stop sending you emails that has really nothing to do with you. It's junk. It's like sitting by the phone waiting for that one call. It doesn't even have to be good news. I just need to know there is a resolution. The longer I wait, the more I want that job. The feeling for it intensifies instead of fading away. I want a quick answer. In my opinion it should be a quick decision. I know I'm good and I should be the one. But I'm not the one making the decisions. I wonder how many people die of bureaucratically induced heart attacks.
I decided to play around with time lapse photography. I want to produce my own work and not be an assistant. He needs to understand I want to be my own person. I have assisted others to do great things without a title to myself. It's not mine. I am willing to help with some of his work, but I want to create my own. I will never concede and become his little assistant. I can't think of anything more degrading.
Maybe that feeling plus my anxiety and his lack of comprehension in regards to direction reacted. I have not felt such anger towards him before.
I'm getting him a GPS for his birthday.
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